Duck, Dive, Dodge, Desire to Avoid

When you are staring Almost Thirty in the face-yes, I think about it all the time, therefore it gets to be proper noun-and you live in a town as small as the 'Lene, it seems that there is no where you can go without running into someone you don't want to see. Or, sometimes, someone who doesn't want to see you.

They're everywhere. Ex's. Friend's ex's. Flings. Friend's flings. Ex's dumb friends. Just plain old dumb people you know and would rather not talk to...

Ev-Ry-Wh-Er-E.

Even Wal-Mart isn't safe. Lately it seems like everytime I pick up my phone there's a text message reading "You'll never guess who I just saw."

So, how, as adults, do we react when we see people that we don't want to see? What do we do when the anger, frustration, annoyance, attraction, or friendship has dissapated? I think it depends on a few factors: mobility, location, and desire to avoid on the Desire to Avoid Scale.

1) Mobility: if your hands are full, or you have a cart full of things, or you are wearing three inch heels, this will determine what you can do.

2) Location: the location can determine your actions as strongly as any other factor, being as it literally holds your escape route and actual physical things to aid you if you so chose, i.e. shelves, people, trees, cars...

3) Desire to Avoid Scale: this ranges from 1-10, 1 being an awkward moment with that person that refers to you as one of their best friends but you don't really even know their last name and you always get stuck listening to their latest cat story, to a 10 being the guy you just broke up with and makes you want to crawl under something.

Once these things are determined, the appropriate action can be decided. So, let's say that your mobilty is medium because you're at the grocery story (location: shelves, isles, people, noise...good for hiding and avoidance) and you either have a cart, one of those hand baskets which are better for these situations because you can feign fatigue, or you're juggling milk and tampons which makes anyone who runs into you uncomfortable. If you're dealing with someone higher than a 5 on the scale, it's best to just walk past them. Lower on the scale and hiding will probably be nessasary, as people on the lower end of the scale normally do want to talk...

In places where mobility is more of a challenge, say, a bar-heels, the only thing you're holding is a drink-the best defense is a good offense. Be in a big group of people. If you aren't just duck into one and start laughing like you know them, at least until the person goes away. The best idea, if the person or persons rate over a 6 or 7 is to either leave or watch how much you drink.

In the cases of failure, when all attempts at avoidance have failed, and you find yourself right next to that person you've been managing to dodge for weeks/months/years, then what? Do you open the conversation by saying, "Hey, remember when you hurt my friend?" or, "Remember when we were roomates and you smoked lots of crack"?

Or, do you just take the elevator ride in silence, walk through the revolving doors with no eye contact, wave across the bar, give a half smile and switch your milk to the other hand while trying to tuck the box of tampons under your arm...