Why Are My Legs Collapsing?

When I finally became disgusted enough with my smell and decided to shower, I started peeling myself off the couch and remembered why we were not meant to be depressed or stationary. I have the Sad Sores.

First, I realized that my entire apartment wasn't shaking, it was me, because drinking an eight cup pot of coffee with only a potato and a banana in your stomach does that. Second, upon trying to stand and arrive at the shower, I realized that my muscles were atrophied from lack of use. The only thing they've done for the last five days is move my hand to my mouth and possibly support a coffee mug or a fork, and even that was dependent upon what position I could manage on the bed/floor/couch and not be in danger of choking or wasting coffee. My legs were useless. I had to sit on the bathtub while adjusting the water temperature for the shower. Third, while in the shower, clinging to the towel rack for little rests, I realized I have strange bruises on my arms and legs, probably due to the fact that I've been laying for far too long on them, and my laziness had reached points to where I would wake up, realize an extremity had fallen asleep, and not care enough to move because it would require moving my entire body. Then I had to get a new razor to tackle the beard-like growth on my legs that, had I been thinking clearly, I could have donated to Locks of Love.

The Sad Sores, I realized when I tried driving, also cause an incoherent feeling not unlike...well, you know. The sun is also really, really bright these days, I've observed. Some would say my lack of energy would be due to my diet, but I think it's because I've been oversleeping and only having twenty minute intervals of contact with other humans a day. Not. Good.

So how do I combat this? Get out of bed. Check. Shower. Check. Do a few laps around the apartment. Check. Cereal and soy milk. Check. Morning phone calls to friends. Check. Job sites. Check. Apply for jobs. Check. Take out the trash! Check. Clean apartment. Check. Get dressed...nah...it seems excessive...

But now I'm tired and hungry. I'm kind of ready for my life to get back to normal. I'm tired of being sad.